Bad Romance: 10 Phrases Never to Say to Your Customers

Your brand’s image isn’t defined by your logo. Your message isn’t controlled by your latest carefully crafted ad campaign. Your reputation isn’t wrapped up in your website.

In today’s age of social media, each and every one of your customers holds a megaphone, and he who holds the megaphone controls the message.

As a result, every single interaction your customers have with your brand shapes not only the way they perceive your company and its values but how they share and spread that perception to others in their circles.

So in this world where every word-of-mouth message has the potential to be amplified hundreds or even thousands of times over, what can you do to protect your brand’s good name?

Of course, when times are good and everyone’s happy, it’s not too hard to provide a positive experience. But what about when things go wrong? What do you do when you’ve got a disappointed, frustrated, irate or even irrational customer on your hands? That’s when your problem-solving savvy is really put to the test.

In situations like these, it’s critical to ensure that every employee at every level of your company is thoroughly trained in tactics for transforming a conflict or complaint into a positive experience.

Here are 10 phrases you must absolutely, positively never ever say to a customer when your brand’s reputation is on the line:

That's our policy...

You care about your policies, but you know who doesn’t? Your customers. All they care about is getting their problem fixed.

Using policy as the justification for why you can't achieve this goal will fall flat every time. Of course you can’t let your customer walk all over you and it is sometimes necessary to draw a line, but you have little to risk by finding ways to work within those policies to offer an innovative solution.

There's nothing I can do...

This statement will make any customer’s blood boil. When you say “There’s nothing I can do,” what they hear is “You and your business don’t matter to us.” You might as well throw in the towel and walk away.

There's always something that can be done, even if it requires a little creativity and compromise. Make sure to give your employees leeway to improvise when necessary. A minor concession costs nothing compared to the impact of an angry customer blasting you on Twitter.

What you need to do is...

When customers call, they’re looking to you to fix their problem, not to be told how to fix it themselves.

Of course, there are some situations where it’s appropriate and even necessary to walk a customer through the steps required to solve a problem. Just be sure to choose your words carefully. The difference between saying “What you need to do” and “Let’s try this” is conveying the sense that you’re on their side and that you’re committed to working together hand-in-hand until their issue has been resolved.

I'm new at this...

Again, nobody cares. You might as well tell a customer that they should hang up, call back and hope to have better luck in reaching someone more competent.

Rather than exposing your weakness, simply bring in someone with more expertise and experience to help navigate this sticky situation. Your customer will appreciate the hands-on team approach, and you’ll benefit from learning from a pro.

No...

Ouch! Never, ever drop the "no" bomb. If you don’t make a concerted effort to solve the problem at hand, you can kiss that customer – and every other existing or prospective customer who will listen to their tale of woe – goodbye.

I don't believe...

I'm not sure...

We don't...

Take your pick, but these are all thinly veiled ways of saying “no,” which we’ve already established is the not the right answer. Save your breath and spend your time and energy looking for ways to be helpful and find viable alternatives.

There’s no one else here you can talk to...

Unless you are literally a one-man operation, customers know you're lying when they hear this statement. There's always someone higher up that can step in.

Telling someone there's nobody else they can talk to is tantamount to saying, "You’re not worth our time." This isn’t going to diffuse their anger and will likely send them packing, irate enough to leave horrible reviews all over the Web.

I don't know how to help you with that...

This phrase is problematic even when the best of intentions are meant by the employee offering support.

Sometimes a customer will ask tough questions. Instead of saying you don't know what to do, take a proactive role in connecting them with the correct resource within the company who can handle their problem.

That's not my job...

Wrong. No matter who you are or what your job title is, keeping your customers happy is your number one responsibility. Just do it.

I hate my job...

This company sucks...

These types of statements tend to surface when both the customer and the employee are in a state of emotional upset. It’s the equivalent of telling a customer that they're not going to find any help here.

Bad-mouthing the company is never the right answer, no matter what the situation. It can do immeasurable damage, and in reality, even the angriest customer doesn’t really want commiseration.

They don't care about your opinion. They’ve taken the time to give you a chance to make it right, and they want a solution.

If you find yourself reaching a breaking point where you feel the need to make statements like this, take a step back and clear your head. You may not feel that you’re getting the support you need from your company, but customers don't need to hear this. If necessary, ask if you can put them on hold momentarily while you "search for the solution." Then take some deep breaths, get help and do whatever you need to do to rejoin the conversation with a positive attitude.

{Nothing...}

Silence is the absolute worst thing a customer can hear from you.

If it’s necessary to put a caller on hold, don't keep them waiting long. Even better, get their information and tell them you’ll call them back (and then make sure you do – promptly!).

If they’re asking tough questions or getting frustrated, responding with silence will only add fuel to their fire. But that doesn’t mean you must have the right answer on the tip of your tongue, either.

Starting with genuine empathy is a great way to diffuse the situation. Even a simple, "Yes, sir, I can see why you are upset. Let me see what I can do to help you out," will buy you some time to organize your thoughts and collect your composure so that you can confidently work toward a mutually agreeable solution.

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Fame Foundry Sound Off: AT&T's Seth the Blogger Guy

As the exclusive carrier for the iPhone in the U.S., AT&T has found itself in the midst of a PR nightmare of its own making. Most customers have a love/hate relationship with the company, and even worse for AT&T, these customers are very vocal about their issues. As fervently as they sing the praises of their iPhones, they also profess their contempt for the network's unreliable service and vent their resentment of the carrier's stranglehold on the device. In an attempt to tip the scales of public opinion back in favor of love, AT&T has once again rolled out “Seth the Blogger Guy,” who made his debut on the company's YouTube channel earlier this year to hype the launch of the iPhone 3GS: In response, Fame Foundry's agents address AT&T, Seth and yet another misguided effort by a faceless corporation to work magic through social media.

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• The Architect

  I have no idea who "Seth the Blogger Guy" is. He's obviously not a "blogger guy"; he's an AT&T spokesman. It immediately comes off as insulting that AT&T would assume I would know this guy and buy what he says from that point on because he's "just one of us." 

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• The Craftsman

  Why is a "blogger guy" delivering this message? He does not come across as an AT&T authority that can in any way influence the reliability of their network. It's almost as if they found a guy in a cubicle and asked him to be in a video. I also don't appreciate the Schoolhouse Rock approach to explaining what happens when a call is made. First of all, don't insult my intelligence. Secondly, I don't really care. I just want it to work.

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• The Developer

  This just goes to show that not only does AT&T not understand the people they are talking to, neither does the ad agency that made this lame video. It is a blatant PR attempt to position themselves as a leader instead of being honest and apologizing. Today's consumers want honesty, and obviously neither AT&T or the company that produced this video understands this simple fact. Suck it up, AT&T, and give us a sincere apology and a credit for the crappy service so we know you're serious.

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• The Engineer

  Where was the investment before now? Before the iPhone there were smartphones, and we were yelling then, too. You didn't hear us five years ago and get "on it." You're apologizing for your lack of investment in infrastructure with the money you got from charging people an arm and a leg to send cheap text messages. People don't forget, AT&T. Heaven help you when another carrier gets its hands on the iPhone.

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• The Author

  Even if we were to accept "Seth the Blogger Guy" as a credible voice of authority (note to AT&T: we don't), the video is still highly flawed. I will give AT&T credit for recognizing the conversation happening around them in the social media sphere and attempting to address customer concerns through the channels where they are talking. However, that's where their smart new-media thinking ends and they fall back on comfortable and familiar old marketing conventions. Rather than taking advantage of the opportunities offered by social media networks to engage in candid and genuine dialog, they simply broadcast a message that is obviously 100 percent scripted and delivered by a spokesperson with no real personality. There is no sense that this represents a heartfelt communication from a company that values its relationships with its customers. Instead, the tone of the video ranges from condescending ("Frankly, that's a very time-consuming process.") to patronizing ("The airwaves are kind of like a highway.") to exasperated ("We've heard you. We're on it."). As we've said before and will say again many times, people follow people, not companies. Until AT&T is willing to invest the time and resources necessary to cultivate real, meaningful and ongoing relationships with the public, their social media efforts will continue to falter, and they will be haunted by their reputation as the subpar network that's holding the iPhone hostage.

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• The Communicator

  AT&T's video violates one of the cardinal rules of social media: transparency. A simple Google search reveals that "Seth the Blogger Guy with AT&T" (as he identifies himself in the video) is neither an average joe blogger or a rank-and-file AT&T employee as his name, appearance and demeanor are all deliberately calibrated to portray. He is, in fact, not a blogger at all. He is Seth Bloom, senior vice president at Fleishman-Hillard, AT&T's PR agency. As soon as this is revealed, all credibility is lost, and the video comes across as nothing but an empty, manipulative and self-serving PR tactic. If AT&T truly cared about repairing its reputation and earning the loyalty of its customers, it would not hide behind a fictional persona but rather would put a legitimate company heavyweight on the front lines of its social media efforts. Instead, despite the controversy sparked by their questionable choice of spokesperson, the company has said that it plans to continue using Seth in future online videos.

A final word of advice for AT&T: There is no division between the "real world" and the world of social media. These days they are one in the same. You do yourselves no favors by posting what you believe to be a positive, reassuring, "we're in this together" video on YouTube and then telling every media outlet that will listen that your customers and their bandwidth-hogging iPhones are the problem. If you want to use social media to your advantage, you must be willing to represent your company in a truly personal manner - flaws and all - in order to earn and keep your customers' trust. Consumers are much more forgiving of companies with whom they have built relationships on a foundation of trust; they have little sympathy for faceless corporations. Or, in this case, a faceless corporation masquerading as a "blogger guy."

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