Bad Romance: 10 Phrases Never to Say to Your Customers

Your brand’s image isn’t defined by your logo. Your message isn’t controlled by your latest carefully crafted ad campaign. Your reputation isn’t wrapped up in your website.

In today’s age of social media, each and every one of your customers holds a megaphone, and he who holds the megaphone controls the message.

As a result, every single interaction your customers have with your brand shapes not only the way they perceive your company and its values but how they share and spread that perception to others in their circles.

So in this world where every word-of-mouth message has the potential to be amplified hundreds or even thousands of times over, what can you do to protect your brand’s good name?

Of course, when times are good and everyone’s happy, it’s not too hard to provide a positive experience. But what about when things go wrong? What do you do when you’ve got a disappointed, frustrated, irate or even irrational customer on your hands? That’s when your problem-solving savvy is really put to the test.

In situations like these, it’s critical to ensure that every employee at every level of your company is thoroughly trained in tactics for transforming a conflict or complaint into a positive experience.

Here are 10 phrases you must absolutely, positively never ever say to a customer when your brand’s reputation is on the line:

That's our policy...

You care about your policies, but you know who doesn’t? Your customers. All they care about is getting their problem fixed.

Using policy as the justification for why you can't achieve this goal will fall flat every time. Of course you can’t let your customer walk all over you and it is sometimes necessary to draw a line, but you have little to risk by finding ways to work within those policies to offer an innovative solution.

There's nothing I can do...

This statement will make any customer’s blood boil. When you say “There’s nothing I can do,” what they hear is “You and your business don’t matter to us.” You might as well throw in the towel and walk away.

There's always something that can be done, even if it requires a little creativity and compromise. Make sure to give your employees leeway to improvise when necessary. A minor concession costs nothing compared to the impact of an angry customer blasting you on Twitter.

What you need to do is...

When customers call, they’re looking to you to fix their problem, not to be told how to fix it themselves.

Of course, there are some situations where it’s appropriate and even necessary to walk a customer through the steps required to solve a problem. Just be sure to choose your words carefully. The difference between saying “What you need to do” and “Let’s try this” is conveying the sense that you’re on their side and that you’re committed to working together hand-in-hand until their issue has been resolved.

I'm new at this...

Again, nobody cares. You might as well tell a customer that they should hang up, call back and hope to have better luck in reaching someone more competent.

Rather than exposing your weakness, simply bring in someone with more expertise and experience to help navigate this sticky situation. Your customer will appreciate the hands-on team approach, and you’ll benefit from learning from a pro.

No...

Ouch! Never, ever drop the "no" bomb. If you don’t make a concerted effort to solve the problem at hand, you can kiss that customer – and every other existing or prospective customer who will listen to their tale of woe – goodbye.

I don't believe...

I'm not sure...

We don't...

Take your pick, but these are all thinly veiled ways of saying “no,” which we’ve already established is the not the right answer. Save your breath and spend your time and energy looking for ways to be helpful and find viable alternatives.

There’s no one else here you can talk to...

Unless you are literally a one-man operation, customers know you're lying when they hear this statement. There's always someone higher up that can step in.

Telling someone there's nobody else they can talk to is tantamount to saying, "You’re not worth our time." This isn’t going to diffuse their anger and will likely send them packing, irate enough to leave horrible reviews all over the Web.

I don't know how to help you with that...

This phrase is problematic even when the best of intentions are meant by the employee offering support.

Sometimes a customer will ask tough questions. Instead of saying you don't know what to do, take a proactive role in connecting them with the correct resource within the company who can handle their problem.

That's not my job...

Wrong. No matter who you are or what your job title is, keeping your customers happy is your number one responsibility. Just do it.

I hate my job...

This company sucks...

These types of statements tend to surface when both the customer and the employee are in a state of emotional upset. It’s the equivalent of telling a customer that they're not going to find any help here.

Bad-mouthing the company is never the right answer, no matter what the situation. It can do immeasurable damage, and in reality, even the angriest customer doesn’t really want commiseration.

They don't care about your opinion. They’ve taken the time to give you a chance to make it right, and they want a solution.

If you find yourself reaching a breaking point where you feel the need to make statements like this, take a step back and clear your head. You may not feel that you’re getting the support you need from your company, but customers don't need to hear this. If necessary, ask if you can put them on hold momentarily while you "search for the solution." Then take some deep breaths, get help and do whatever you need to do to rejoin the conversation with a positive attitude.

{Nothing...}

Silence is the absolute worst thing a customer can hear from you.

If it’s necessary to put a caller on hold, don't keep them waiting long. Even better, get their information and tell them you’ll call them back (and then make sure you do – promptly!).

If they’re asking tough questions or getting frustrated, responding with silence will only add fuel to their fire. But that doesn’t mean you must have the right answer on the tip of your tongue, either.

Starting with genuine empathy is a great way to diffuse the situation. Even a simple, "Yes, sir, I can see why you are upset. Let me see what I can do to help you out," will buy you some time to organize your thoughts and collect your composure so that you can confidently work toward a mutually agreeable solution.

Is Your Content Classic?

Epiphanies and pop music

Epiphanies – those magic Aha! moments that change our thinking – often occur at the most unexpected times.

I had an Aha! moment of my own recently as I sat in my favorite diner, eating nachos and reading a challenge from Fame Foundry's Tara Hornor to return to tried-and-true marketing tactics. As a writer, I was naturally prompted to think about that challenge in terms of how it pertains content development.

In today’s Information Age, the best way to build trust with and win over new customers is to go above and beyond in giving them value, and content is one of the most effective tools we have to deliver that value. Indeed, content is king, but in the push to fill every corner of the Web with our "thought leadership," videos, photos, posts and tweets, we've created such a vast cacophony of information that it’s simply impossible to take it all in. So – it begs the question – how can your singular voice rise above the din to be heard by your clients and prospects?

Suddenly, my thoughts were disrupted by heavenly tones descending from the speaker above my table and into my psyche. It was Roy Orbison singing "Only the Lonely."  In that moment, I had an epiphany.

More than 50 years after he recorded it, Orbison's pop-music masterpiece – his form of content – is still loved by masses. He and so many great artists like him poured themselves into a few dozen songs, a handful of which have become classics that continue to be discovered and adored by new audiences decades later.

What if the content we produce as marketers had that kind of staying power?

Here are six key strategies that can help you create classic content that resonates with readers and stands the test of time.

Keep calm and carry on.

There's a lot of pressure these days to produce content at breakneck speeds for an increasingly diverse array of mediums. If you cringe when a hot new social media network emerges because you dread having to master and manage yet another touchpoint, you are not alone.

So give yourself permission to hit pause on the content-o-mattic. Take a breather, set aside the “How much?” for a moment and reflect on the “How?”.

There's no denying the value of producing content. We're going to keep doing it. But let's think about how we can do it better. How we can make more of our content classic?

Know your stuff.

There's an old saying among writers: "The best writers are prolific readers."

The idea here is that consuming a steady diet of the thoughts and talents of others will inspire and enhance your own. Essentially, you're standing on the shoulders of others as you reach for even greater ideas and insights.

We can easily apply this principle to our marketing content. It's important to have a broad understanding of the greater conversations that are taking place in your industry as well as a keen awareness of the primary players and messages that are buzzing about your own market niche.

Keeping up with what others are saying is often a great source of inspiration for new perspectives that haven't yet been considered. Alternatively, you can also avoid rehashing subject matter that has been entirely overdone so that you don’t waste your time developing yawn-inducing content that seems unoriginal and redundant.

Balance timeliness with the timeless.

Providing commentary on current trends is a proven content strategy because it shows that you have a finger on the pulse of your market.

The problem with this type of hot-topic content is that it can have a short shelf-life. So to stretch the value of this content, find a way to tie trends to timeless principles. Demonstrate to your readers where these “of-the-moment” opportunities fit into the bigger picture. This kind of insight can still be valuable weeks, months or maybe even years after the market has moved on from the news that inspired it.

Call in the experts.

It takes time to get input from experts, but the payoff in credibility is huge.

Your company probably has a good many subject matter experts (SMEs) already on the payroll who can provide valuable insights for prospects and customers – and can do so from the perspective of your company.

Identify the SMEs in your company, and invite them to lunch to chat about the pieces you're working on that relate to their specialties, and if possible, give them credit as contributors.

And don’t forget to venture outside of your organization to seek the input of other resources, such as university professors, journalists or consultants. These individuals are usually happy to have an outlet to share their expertise and advice on the subject matter that they’re most passionate about.

Focus on substance and style.

Making your content classic is as much about style as it is substance. Roy Orbison built a hip, sophisticated look with his shades and suits that complemented his brand of smooth songwriting.

When it comes to your written content, following the basic principles of good writing will help your content resonate with the greatest number of people and for the longest period of time possible.

First, write well. If you don't have writing talent on staff, pay someone. If you have a decent writer, pay an editor to give you feedback and guard the voice of your brand.

Second, avoid hype, clichés and stereotypes. Don't simply squawk about your products and services. Making unsubstantiated, too-good-to-be-true claims is a sure-fire way to kill your credibility. And nothing says "lazy and unoriginal" like expressing concepts using the same examples and references as everyone else.

Speaking of which, illustrations and examples are important to helping your readers understand complex concepts, but don't use ones that may be irrelevant in six months. For example, a story that draws parallels to the philosophies of Martin Luther King will be relevant long after one that references whichever celebutante is making tabloid headlines today.

Third, don't use obscure references that the majority of your audience won't understand. The effect you create by doing so is very off-putting to readers, like being in the room when someone makes an inside joke and you don't get it. You feel out of the loop at best or left out intentionally at worst. The exception here is if you’re writing for a niche audience that you know will get the reference (for example, jokes about what Klingons eat in an article written for a Star Trek blog), as this can show your audience that you’re really one of them.

Finally, proofread. Sure the culture of the Web has made casual writing the norm, but punctuation errors, misspellings and poor word choice will diminish the perception of expertise and professionalism you want to convey. A tweet with a typo is no big deal, but a white paper riddled with misspelled words is quite a different matter. Never publish content that hasn't been proofread by someone else. Better yet, keep an editor on retainer for that purpose.

Be a Buffet.

Inevitably, when it comes to content marketing, there are demons to battle, such as writing to advance your SEO objectives at the expense of reader experience or producing "fluff" pieces that deliver little real value just to keep the insatiable content machine fed.

We can learn a valuable lesson here from the world of investment, where there's a lot of energy wasted on getting in early and growing by building buzz. However, this kind of Bernie Madoff behavior will eventually catch up with you and undermine your relationship with your readers.

Instead, you’ll always be better served by taking the Warren Buffet approach: focusing on the big picture, building on what you know and refusing to sacrifice long-term gains for a quick payoff.

So when you find yourself facing the temptation to take shortcuts or chase trends, remember which approach has been proven to be the most influential over the long term. After all, which of these men will be remembered as a fly-by-night shyster and which a luminary?