Bad Romance: 10 Phrases Never to Say to Your Customers

Your brand’s image isn’t defined by your logo. Your message isn’t controlled by your latest carefully crafted ad campaign. Your reputation isn’t wrapped up in your website.

In today’s age of social media, each and every one of your customers holds a megaphone, and he who holds the megaphone controls the message.

As a result, every single interaction your customers have with your brand shapes not only the way they perceive your company and its values but how they share and spread that perception to others in their circles.

So in this world where every word-of-mouth message has the potential to be amplified hundreds or even thousands of times over, what can you do to protect your brand’s good name?

Of course, when times are good and everyone’s happy, it’s not too hard to provide a positive experience. But what about when things go wrong? What do you do when you’ve got a disappointed, frustrated, irate or even irrational customer on your hands? That’s when your problem-solving savvy is really put to the test.

In situations like these, it’s critical to ensure that every employee at every level of your company is thoroughly trained in tactics for transforming a conflict or complaint into a positive experience.

Here are 10 phrases you must absolutely, positively never ever say to a customer when your brand’s reputation is on the line:

That's our policy...

You care about your policies, but you know who doesn’t? Your customers. All they care about is getting their problem fixed.

Using policy as the justification for why you can't achieve this goal will fall flat every time. Of course you can’t let your customer walk all over you and it is sometimes necessary to draw a line, but you have little to risk by finding ways to work within those policies to offer an innovative solution.

There's nothing I can do...

This statement will make any customer’s blood boil. When you say “There’s nothing I can do,” what they hear is “You and your business don’t matter to us.” You might as well throw in the towel and walk away.

There's always something that can be done, even if it requires a little creativity and compromise. Make sure to give your employees leeway to improvise when necessary. A minor concession costs nothing compared to the impact of an angry customer blasting you on Twitter.

What you need to do is...

When customers call, they’re looking to you to fix their problem, not to be told how to fix it themselves.

Of course, there are some situations where it’s appropriate and even necessary to walk a customer through the steps required to solve a problem. Just be sure to choose your words carefully. The difference between saying “What you need to do” and “Let’s try this” is conveying the sense that you’re on their side and that you’re committed to working together hand-in-hand until their issue has been resolved.

I'm new at this...

Again, nobody cares. You might as well tell a customer that they should hang up, call back and hope to have better luck in reaching someone more competent.

Rather than exposing your weakness, simply bring in someone with more expertise and experience to help navigate this sticky situation. Your customer will appreciate the hands-on team approach, and you’ll benefit from learning from a pro.

No...

Ouch! Never, ever drop the "no" bomb. If you don’t make a concerted effort to solve the problem at hand, you can kiss that customer – and every other existing or prospective customer who will listen to their tale of woe – goodbye.

I don't believe...

I'm not sure...

We don't...

Take your pick, but these are all thinly veiled ways of saying “no,” which we’ve already established is the not the right answer. Save your breath and spend your time and energy looking for ways to be helpful and find viable alternatives.

There’s no one else here you can talk to...

Unless you are literally a one-man operation, customers know you're lying when they hear this statement. There's always someone higher up that can step in.

Telling someone there's nobody else they can talk to is tantamount to saying, "You’re not worth our time." This isn’t going to diffuse their anger and will likely send them packing, irate enough to leave horrible reviews all over the Web.

I don't know how to help you with that...

This phrase is problematic even when the best of intentions are meant by the employee offering support.

Sometimes a customer will ask tough questions. Instead of saying you don't know what to do, take a proactive role in connecting them with the correct resource within the company who can handle their problem.

That's not my job...

Wrong. No matter who you are or what your job title is, keeping your customers happy is your number one responsibility. Just do it.

I hate my job...

This company sucks...

These types of statements tend to surface when both the customer and the employee are in a state of emotional upset. It’s the equivalent of telling a customer that they're not going to find any help here.

Bad-mouthing the company is never the right answer, no matter what the situation. It can do immeasurable damage, and in reality, even the angriest customer doesn’t really want commiseration.

They don't care about your opinion. They’ve taken the time to give you a chance to make it right, and they want a solution.

If you find yourself reaching a breaking point where you feel the need to make statements like this, take a step back and clear your head. You may not feel that you’re getting the support you need from your company, but customers don't need to hear this. If necessary, ask if you can put them on hold momentarily while you "search for the solution." Then take some deep breaths, get help and do whatever you need to do to rejoin the conversation with a positive attitude.

{Nothing...}

Silence is the absolute worst thing a customer can hear from you.

If it’s necessary to put a caller on hold, don't keep them waiting long. Even better, get their information and tell them you’ll call them back (and then make sure you do – promptly!).

If they’re asking tough questions or getting frustrated, responding with silence will only add fuel to their fire. But that doesn’t mean you must have the right answer on the tip of your tongue, either.

Starting with genuine empathy is a great way to diffuse the situation. Even a simple, "Yes, sir, I can see why you are upset. Let me see what I can do to help you out," will buy you some time to organize your thoughts and collect your composure so that you can confidently work toward a mutually agreeable solution.

Amazing, Incredible Marketese: 10 Over-Used Terms to Banish from Your Marketing Vocabulary

What you’re reading right now could be the most important, ultra-super-wonderful article ever produced in the history of written human communication.

Only it really isn’t. In fact, it’s simply a collection of tips aimed at helping you make better-informed decisions about your marketing efforts. That’s likely the reason you’re reading, and that’s definitely the need I’m addressing.

Somewhere along the line, old marketing began making promises it couldn’t keep. And along with those promises came “Marketese” – hollow, generically positive words and phrases that soon lost all sense of meaning and became about as impactful as radio static.

Today’s consumers are jaded to hype. In the new marketing dynamic, there aren’t enough adjectives in the world to sell your products for you. The name of the game is show, don’t tell. You need real results, proven performance and genuine word-of-mouth to build credibility in what you do.

With that in mind, here are 10 types of trust-busting terms that you’d be wise to avoid in your communication with potential customers.

1. “Fantastic”, “astonishing”

And a dozen more like them. It seems that every product or service ever created is uniquely fabulous in some way. Oh, wait a minute: these positively ordinary adjectives and phrases won’t make your brand stand out. You’ll just blend in with all the others using them.

2. “Life-changing”

That new app might make finding a restaurant a little easier. Those socks are quite comfortable, and the fabric breathes well. But as things go, these niceties do not rank up there with actual life-changing events like, you know, marriage and childbirth.

3. “Awesome”, “off-the-hook”, “swaggy”

Yes, “swaggy” is a thing now. But it won’t be in five minutes. Because a person over the age of 22 (i.e., me) just used these terms in a marketing article, so they’ve all instantly become epic-fail stale.

Youth culture is a highly sought-after market segment, so it might seem like a keen, groovy idea to incorporate their latest lingo into your marketing repertoire. But in doing so, you risk alienating other audiences as well as missing the mark with your efforts to appeal to a constantly moving target. So unless your core market is primarily made up of tweens and teens – and unless your marketing changes as fast as the acceptable height of blue jeans on behinds – lay off the hip-speak.

4.“Cutting-edge” (and its hype-on-top-of-hype mutation, “bleeding-edge”)

The first page of a Google search for “cutting-edge products” reveals that this phrase is used to peddle everything from stun guns to farming supplies to puffy coats for pets, and of course a long list of tech offerings. Talk about death by a thousand tiny cuts – this phrase bled out any impact it may have had long ago.

5. “Vital”, “crucial”

There are certainly products and services out there that fit this category of descriptor: pacemakers, fire extinguishers, accurate accounting software and the like.

Is your product comparable to air, water or shelter within your industry? If not, then take the rhetoric down a notch.

6. “Biggest”, “fastest”, “mostest”

Unless you can legitimately prove that your product or service consistently out-performs the very best your industry has to offer in every measurable way, for every customer, every time…you get the idea.

7. “Revolutionary”

Are customers flooding the streets in celebration of your services? Marching on stores demanding more shelf space for your product? Or, more realistically, does your offering bring a truly new perspective to your field?

An improvement is not a revolution just because you proclaim it to be. It’s simply a few degrees better than what was previously available – and that alone is enough to make a difference to your customers.

8. “Sea change”, “paradigm shift”

What would business conference presenters do without these (dead) workhorse phrases?

If you want to lose the attention of your captive audience to other pressing matters such as checking email, mulling over lunch options and challenging their high score in Angry Birds, by all means sprinkle your speech with these empty terms.

9. “Extraordinary”, “elegant”, “high-end”

Yes, your products are very fancy. One-percenters can’t wait to show off your latest offering when they attend the next big art auction fundraiser at the Uptown Snootatorium.

But here’s a case where showing is so much better than telling. Find ways in your marketing to demonstrate excellence rather than merely claiming it, and you’ll make a much more compelling case with your customers.

10. “Rough”, “tough”, “rugged”

Durability is a legitimate selling point for many products. But this kind of language has been co-opted and drained of much of its power by products like paper towels (hint – it’s not “tough” if half a sippy cup of juice ends its usefulness), cologne (man perfume has little metaphorical connection to mountain peaks or snow tire treads) and children’s toys (which so often break or wear out before their first batteries run down).

Write outside the box (yep – there's another one!)

Undoubtedly, there are many more repeat-offenders like these that could easily be added to this list. And with so many phraseological pitfalls lurking out there, it’s a real challenge to keep your marketing copy fresh.

But there are better ways to say what you want to say than just falling back on the familiar. Remember: winning new customers always starts with building trust first, and to build trust, you must shed the mask of Marketese hype and get real about what you’ve done to deserve their hard-earned dollars.